Tony is biting on his lip hard enough to hurt by the time he gets into his office, face red from the effort of not giggling like a moron.
"It is seven PM, how are you this drunk, how are you even drunk-“
"Thor brought mead back from his visit," Steve says, and then burps.
Tony catches himself thinking he has a cute burp, and then rolls his eyes at himself. Cute burp. Jesus. “Maybe you should go drink some water-“
"Tonyyy," Steve sighs, slurring it a little. "Where are youuu."
"I’m in China, I have a business meeting, I told you on Wednesday, remember?"
"You should be here," Steve groans, and then continues groaning until he has to pause to burp again. "You should be heeere, we could have seeex, we haven’t had sex since you left and four days is too longgg-"
"Oh my god," Tony says, shoving his hand over his mouth to stifle laughter. "I’m recording this, you are going to hate everything in the morning."
"Don’t hate everything," Steve says. "Everything’s good. You’re good. I love you."
"I love you too," Tony starts to say, but is cut off by Steve asking, "Did you hear Beyonce had a new song, it’s on the radio, Clint says it’s a hip-wiggler," and Tony has to listen to Steve drunkenly sing ‘Halo’ for three minutes.
"I think that song was released in 2007," Tony says when Steve has sung the last note, and Steve sighs.
"I wanna have seeeex," he says, and burps.
"I’m calling Bruce and getting him to escort you around the Tower, okay," Tony says, and Steve starts groaning before cutting off and excitedly saying that another Beyonce song has come on.
"The things I do for love," Tony says, putting his phone on speaker and texting Bruce as Steve bursts into a sloppy rendition of ‘All The Single Ladies.’